just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
