I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
