Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
