Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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