Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
