I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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