just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
