Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
