I can text with my tongue
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
