i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
