I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
