I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
