Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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