I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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