I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
