Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
