I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
