It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
