Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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