If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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