I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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