need another drink. this is the easiest way
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
