im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
