Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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