I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
