Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
