I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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