sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
