A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
