I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
