We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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