Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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