shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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