My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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