____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
