I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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