Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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