So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
