my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
