community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
