if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm getting married
To pizza
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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