Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
