So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
