You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
