You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
