it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
