im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
