ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
