Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
