I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
