Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I deserve this hangover.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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