So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
