he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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