I'm jealous of your bromance
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
